What About Other Family Members And YOU

Subject: What About Other Family Members And YOU Mon Apr 14, 2008 9:33 pm

NEEDS OF OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS

Caring for someone with a mental illness can affect the dynamics of a family. Often the caring role drains the majority of the caregiver's time, energy and patience. Grief may be involved, as in the loss of the loved one's former personality, achievements and contributions as well as the loss in family lifestyle. This grief can lead to unconscious hostility and anger.

Other family members may also start contributing towards caring, and neglect their own needs:

Children – Children often do not fully comprehend what their relative is undergoing. They can often gauge the stress that the family is experiencing, but not actually understand or ask what the matter is. They may withdraw, or pretend that the change in family dynamics does not exist. Alternatively, they may start contributing greatly towards the household. They may show signs of ‘growing up too quickly'. Other children may demonstrate anger and irritability, and choose to spend more time away from the home and the family.

Relationships – Personal relationships of wife/husband/partner are also greatly affected by mental illness. This is especially true if the carer's partner is the person with the mental illness. The needs of the relationship change. The carer may also experience loneliness in terms of the lack of attention from his/her partner and the dramatic increase in responsibilities. Caring for a child with mental health problems can also create friction in the carer's relationship with his/her partner. There may be problems caused by a lack of attention to the needs of the partner. At times there can be issues of blame between partners in terms of responsibility for their child's mental illness.

Attending to the needs of other family members:

Allocate time that you will spend with another family member and seek assistance or respite, if needed, to attend to your relative with mental illness.
Organise family outings where everyone can participate eg picnics, bushwalking, family cricket matches.
Encourage family members to see other positive qualities in your relative, not just his/her mental illness.
If children are involved, pay attention to whether they are keeping in touch with their friends and continue to do things that other kids their age are doing eg. Bike riding, going to movies etc.
In your personal relationship as a wife/husband/partner, try to do some of the enjoyable things that you had done before your caring role began e.g. going out to dinner, going for walks with your partner.

LOOKING AFTER YOU

Many carers, once they adopt their caring role, fail to address their own needs. This may be by giving up paid work, stopping socialising with friends, neglecting their own health, and even simple things like not allowing themselves time to read a book or go for a walk. Carers sometimes persist with their caring role to the point of exhaustion, frustration and breakdown. Sometimes, they unconsciously start doing too much for their relative, to the point where he/she fails to take on board their own responsibilities.

Along with the caring role, often there are issues of guilt and blame. Sometimes carers feel directly responsible for their loved one's mental illness and ill health, or they feel that their relative is suffering because of shortcomings in their caring. They may think that taking ‘more' or ‘better' care of their loved one will help them recover from their mental illness.

As can be imagined, some carers take on a huge responsibility. This often leads to their own mental and physical ill health. Neglecting one's own needs and health can lead to a tired, exhausted, frustrated and emotionally drained carer. Being in such a position can adversely affect the decision making process of a carer and, in turn, their caring capacity. It may even adversely affect the relationship between the carer and their relative.

A carer who cares for him/herself is able to better care for their loved one.

How to care for you:
Devote at least 15 minutes a day to yourself, and do what you enjoy doing eg. going for walks, talking to friend, reading a book, sitting down with a cup of tea, watching your favourite TV show etc.
Plan for longer breaks. Use respite services if available.
Attend support groups for carers/relatives
Avoid extra pressures or unnecessary tasks - some tasks can be done at another time
Try to get out of the house at least once a day
Eat regular healthy meals
Exercise regularly
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